The art of being alone

During my first long stay in Finland, from 1999 to 2000, I was already very impressed by the mobile phone prevalence (even among young kids). In the US during that same time, mobile phones were really used by those who travelled and commuted for long periods of time and for safety reasons (this latter reason is similar for many users around the world).

I remember riding on the tram and watching people use their mobile devices. I was struck by how active people were in communicating with their friends, family etc., i.e. they were often typing something or reading something. I soon came to discover that many of them were simply playing games on their phones. I, of course, didn’t get it.

However, just a few weeks ago, I was waiting for my husband in a cafe. I found myself playing with my mobile phone, checking my emails, sending some messages, looking at some photos. I realized what I was doing: I was masking my “aloneness” by doing things on my mobile. Nobody actually knew what I was doing…I just looked busy and, with any luck, important!

It got me thinking about the capacity to be alone; are young people these days unable to be alone, not comfortable with it? Do they fear it, can they stand it? Do they reach for their mobile devices as soon as there is no exterior stimulation? But, even if these young people are not comfortable with being alone, does it really matter? What would a psychologist or a sociologist say about individuals and society, respectively?

We could make an argument that this need to “look busy” is nothing knew. Perhaps it is similar to when we waited in a doctor’s office, we read magazines, books etc. We usually did not sit around and stare at the walls or other people. So perhaps it is not that different from the past (!). Only now, we have a different way to look busy and preoccupied.

Perhaps the change is good in some ways. Now people, instead of reading magazines or jotting down notes to fill their time waiting, are often communicating with others with their mobile phones (talking, texting, emailing). Many users often explain how they’ve become more social and active with their mobile devices. Their mobile devices have offered more flexibility to reach people and to be reached. Shy, outgoing, tired, busy…the mobile life offers the solution for all. And, since we often don’t know what people are doing on their mobile devices, it offers the possiblity of looking connected and, with any luck, important!